Friday, July 17, 2009

Riding in cars with "boys"

I did go for that ride that I mentioned in my last post - but not on the motorcycle.

I've been chatting with Paul off and on via Facebook, and on the phone. I hesitate to even write about it, as it feels very personal.

It is such an odd feeling that I get when I see his number come up on my cell phone. I feel like the 17 year old girl that I was when I first knew him - I get all tongue-tied and shy. That is not a comfortable feeling; I have worked very hard to get beyond that girl that I once was, and I am not thrilled with myself for so easily falling back into it.

Don't get me wrong - I thoroughly enjoy our conversations. I laugh; I cry; we reminisce. It is absolutely wonderful, and I look forward to talking to him again. I hope that once we run out filling each in on what has happened to us in the past 25+ years, that we can still continue talking to each other. I enjoy having him back in my life, and I am happy to count him as a friend. But, I just want it to be more of the grown-up version of me, instead of that 17 year old girl.

He called me last night. I had just gotten home after two disastrous real estate showings. He asked if I was home, and if I'd like to go for a ride. He had to go pick up his son (about two miles from my house), and thought I'd like to come for a ride. Yes - I would! It was a bit awkward leaving the house; I didn't want him to come in. The situation between me and my husband is very uncomfortable, and I don't like exposing anyone to that. I *heard* him pull in the driveway, and I booted it out of the house. Just gave a yell out to all that I was going for a ride and would be home shortly.

I'm terrible with cars - I just know it was a lovely older Mustang convertible (and loud!). We took a short ride around my area, and then he brought me to pick up his son. When he invited me for the ride, he had said that his son was at a friends house. Um, no. Son was at grandparents house (his first wife's parents). I don't think I would have gone if I had known that, and maybe that is why he didn't tell me. At any rate, it all turned out fine. His in-laws are fantastic, down-to-earth, wonderful people. And his son is absolutely adorable.

I was gone all of maybe 20, 30 minutes at most. But it was wonderful. I haven't just gone out to ride in a car with a "boy" since I was a teenager. I *always* have a destination; an errand; an appointment; something. I never just go for a ride. And it was incredibly relaxing. A perfect summer night, top down on the car, good conversation and music, and wind blowing through my hair. Maybe that 17 year old in me still has something to teach me.


That one girl said...

Okay, but you can't say that the feeling you get in your stomach isn't a little bit fun! I LOVE that awkward feeling!

My fist kiss was in a car, after a little ride. Ahhh, memories!

Jenina said...

oh I would like to be that 17yr old girl again too!! The things you do and the world feels like its yours to conquer but only when you are that age!!

Christy said...

I'm glad you jumped at the chance to ride with him, in a convertible no less. A great memory, if nothing else!

msprimadonna67 said...

You just took me back to my own little seventeen year old self for a few minutes. Thank you: )