Full circle

I honestly believe that there are no coincidences; things happen because they are meant to happen. Good or bad. We just don't know the reason for them.

This whole Facebook phenomenon - crazy, but really interesting. Shortly after I posted about Kevin, I happened (purely by chance) to get in touch with his twin brother, Paul. It wasn't like Paul had read my blog or anything like that - I keep this completely anonymous. We just happened to "meet" again on Facebook. Funny, but sad, thing is - he sent me a message on FB about our teacher, Mr. Dwyer. He had just passed away. It was in Dick's class that I had met Kevin, and started dating him. And I had forgotten that Paul was in that same class. Funny how your memory works. I did not remember that. We shot a couple of messages back and forth over the next couple of weeks. And out of anyone from high school, Paul was the one person that I wanted to make contact with. We were friends back then; we even double-dated to a prom after Kevin and I had broken up. I liked him; he liked me. But it just would have been too weird.

Anyways. Paul called me on my cell the night before my birthday. It was around 8:30 on a Tuesday night, and no, I wasn't at home - I was at Crapplebee's. He came to meet me there.

(But damn, do you think the guy could have given me a little more notice? I mean, really. It had been only 27 years since I've seen him. And I would have liked to at least been wearing some cute jeans, done my hair, had make-up on, lose 20 pounds, etc. But, no. I don't have that kind of luck. No - I only get to see people after I've worked two jobs in a day and am completely exhausted. But on the plus side - no pun intended - that extra 20 lbs. are what have given me boobs. Finally. And yes, they were noticed. :) ).

Anyways, I wouldn't have changed anything. What a trip. We talked, and talked, and talked some more. Life, death, love, Kevin, our kids, our lives. We talked about the past, and the present. It was only for two hours, but it was a lifetime. I learned a lot - mostly about myself.

Kevin had been the one in my life without "closure" - whatever the fuck that really means. I had wondered at times - "what if?". What if I had sought him out way back when, instead of being so shy? What if I had slept with him? Should I have? I ask these questions because I am questioning the choices I have made in my life. Did I make the right choices at the time? Should I have married who I did? I know now that my martial partner is not the right choice for me, but did I know that then? And did I ignore my gut? What else have I screwed up?? What else should I have done different??

After Paul and I talked, I realized that my "gut" was on target even way back then. I had forgotten. Time tends to do that to you. Turns out that Kevin liked to fuck anyone in a skirt. And I was NOT one of his conquests. Phew. That's not to say that he wasn't all that I said he was - he was. And in my memories he will always be the way I remember him. But, I think I need to trust myself more. Even at 17, my gut was on the mark. And it probably still is today at 45.

Full circle. Every person I mentioned in that post, I have made contact with over the past month, in one way or another. How strange is that? And how wonderful.

And Paul has invited me to go for a ride on his Harley this summer. I haven't decided whether or not to go. My daughter ("Crabby") would be mortified (might just be worth it for that reason alone!); my bf will be jealous (he already said that that sounds like a date). I think that I will need to trust my gut. And whatever decision I make, it will be mine.