Some things are so much better. And so many things are still the same. And I am getting discouraged waiting and trying for the change to happen. You can't force change. I know that you can "assist" it. And I have been. I've been trying my darnedest (is that a word?). And now I have to shift it to my damnedest. Karma and luck - please - stop fucking with me!

The past couple of weeks have been eventful. Ahem. (understatement)

Lets see - car accident (I hit daughter's car in the DRIVEWAY. $3300 damage to MY car. $500 deductible. And yes - surcharges will apply.

Home modification - denied. Have Wells Fargo as mortgage company (how lucky can a girl get???). Re-applied. For the fourth time. Good times. (and did I mention that they just sent me a letter saying they are going to be begin "acceleration" of my loan - foreclosure - unless I come up with $6,300 by March 9th? Of this year?)

Home equity loan modification - was offered a 25% reduction in payments, and a 70% increase in terms. Yeah, thanks. But no thanks. Re-applied! But not after a "fight" with employee of company when he told me that he was giving me a "great deal". He shut up when I countered with the 70% increase in terms....wonder why???

I work in a school, for a pittance of a salary. But it is still a job, with great benefits (health care!). Waiting to find out (will know by tomorrow) if our school is going to be closed & ALL the staff to be pink-slipped for bad student performance. Ummm. I data enter. I put in attendance, grades, schedules, enrollments. I could go to work naked and no one would ever see me. But, apparently, I am at the same risk of losing my job.

Divorce attorney. (this one is a THANK GOD - FINALLY).

FAFSA's for three. Read "Vodka Mom's" post on FAFSA's - an absolute riot. (sorry VM - I suck at figuring out how to link. Give me a break - first post I've done since the fall!)

Taxes. Do I have to say anything more?

Attempted break-in at my house. Twice. In one night. In the middle of the night. The night before my much dreaded annual exam. Nothing like changing the codes on the garage at 2am. In a tee-shirt and underwear. Fun, folks, fun. (hmmm - anyone want to place a bet on the soon-to-be-ex and his GF?? - he's the only other one with a clicker - which I now have back in my possession).

And then my annual exam. First - all those itchy, itchy bumps on my legs and ankles. Hives. Stress. Second - lump in breast. MRI scheduled for next week. Have I mentioned that every female in my family has died of breast cancer by age 52. All pretty much diagnosed by age 46. Hello. I turn 46 in June. And it is in the same breast that I have already had to have an excisional breast biopsy in. I can't believe that there is even enough left there to lump up!

Have you ever wished that you had a magic glass that you could look into and see what the future holds? I have....and then it makes me nervous. What if I see something horrible? What if things aren't better? God forbid - what if they are worse? How would I get through the days to that "bad" day that I foresaw in the glass? Maybe these are the "good ole days"??

Note to Paul - I am TRYING to enjoy the ride. I really am. I count my many blessings every day. And you, my friend, are one of them.

It will all be okay. Just call me Alice. In the Looking Glass.